Before I Die by Jenny Downham

Tessa has just months to live. Fighting back against hospital visits, endless tests, and drugs with excruciating side effects, Tessa compiles a list. It's her To Do Before I Die list. And number one is Sex. Released from the constraints of "normal" life, Tessa tastes new experiences to make her feel alive while her failing body struggles to keep up. Tessa's feelings, her relationships with her father and brother, her estranged mother, her best friend, and her new boyfriend, are all painfully crystallized in the precious weeks before Tessa's time runs out.

I didn't know I could feel so many emotions while reading a single book. Tessa is funny, annoying, sarcastic and heartbreaking. This is what I imagine living with a terminal illness is like, though I've been fortunate enough to not have had that experience. This book is real, it doesn't sugarcoat the medical process - all the doctor visits, drug therapies and tests but it also doesn't race things along either. Half way through the author could have chosen for Tessa to find what she was looking for and move on but about half this book is dedicated to a 15-year-old girl just trying to find where she fits in the world before she has to leave it.

I did only give this book 3 stars because Tessa finding herself wasn't always interesting. Following everyone around while being moody and sarcastic wasn't appealing to me as a reader but I did appreciate it later on when her condition finally started to progress.

Also, the parts I thought would be a big deal (like the sex mentioned in the excerpt) were just brushed aside. That part was over in the first 15 pages or so. The stuff that was a big deal was honestly really boring to read: her best friend was moody and distant, the boy next door was ignoring her and her parents fought all the time. The real-ness of this book just smacks you in the face and lets the burn set in for a while and I don't think I was ready for that.

But lastly, this book has integrity and if you're into that and can give up the fairy tale ending then I recommend reading it.